With no title

Once again I’ve left such a huge gap between now and my last post. So much has happened..

I’m gonna keep myself free to just write about what I feel truly matters at this moment in time..

On 29th of march I went for a 10 day Vipassana meditation course. 10 days in silence, without almost any distraction, and learning how to meditate for around 10 hours a day.

That was intense. Life changing.

I’ve been meditating 2 hours a day since I came out from the course and I feel that something in me has massively changed and  in a very fundamental level.

I am also still taking a selection of the Bach flower remedies (have I told I’ve done a level one course about the remedies?!).. big changes, massive healing…

At the moment (for a few weeks already) my progressed moon is transiting my natal Neptune and I consciously chose this period to learn how to meditate. Although I’ve practiced yoga consistently for a year, meditating has always been a real struggle.

I guess this is the reality for many of us living in an overly stimulating world. Our minds just go wild and we don’t seem to have any control over it.

Transiting Saturn is also crossing over (more precisely about to cross over) my natal Neptune. Good time for getting serious about spirituality, good time for developing discipline and consistency in my spiritual practice.

This is the way I’ve been using my knowledge in astrology. And it seems to work..

Finding creative ways of working with the symbolism, brainstorming what could be the best potential for those flavours..

Aiming higher..

(I still haven’t bought myself a laptop so will stop here, for writing in a small tablet is tiring..)

Quick astro catchUP

I know, it’s been so long since I publish my last post here.. January has gone so fast and I was feeling so busy, I actually have been feeling so busy lately.

I also just had the realisation, as I’m writing this, that I’ve been experiencing what I can best define as a “change of focus” in my life.

The astrological signature reflecting this change is the coinciding move to another house in my horoscope from transiting Saturn, Pluto, Uranus and Jupiter, all happening roughly at the same time.

Saturn has moved into the 2nd house, Pluto has moved into the 3rd house, Jupiter has moved into the 12th house and precisely tomorrow, Uranus is moving into the 6th house of my natal chart.

What do I feel?

Well, I’ve been definitely feeling the need to adapt myself to a new sense of focus. Is like my energies, represented by the archetype of each one of these planets, are going through some sort of rearrangement concerning where I manifest them.

And for this reason is also being a little difficult to pin them down or to take much action.

For instance I do sense a lot of the material “re solidifying” represented by Saturn entering my second house.

And I am enjoying actually.

After a very long time (at least maybe 3 years?) I decided to treat myself with a brand new pair of shoes. Sounds silly, but I had forgotten how good it feels not only to be able to choose your own style of footwear (which may sound a bit superficial) but also to have shoes your size! I don’t have to triple sock anymore!

This very simple act (of getting new shoes) have also enabled me to connect more with the ground and I have the feeling that I won’t have as much pain on my knees or back after being on my feet for long hours anymore..

To me, this sounds like a very good reflection for the symbolism of transiting Saturn entering the second house!

There is much, much more for me to write regarding this multiple change of houses by the transiting planets, but I can’t right now. I’m at a cafe and ready to go back home for my therapy session over Skype.

I’m also reading “The moment of astrology” by Geoffrey Cornelius and having a lot of insights that I would like to share in another post soon. This in an amazing and most valuable work on the urgent need for a new way of viewing and practicing astrology.

I would also like to apologise for not being able to read much of your work lately as well (for the blogs that I follow) or comment on your stuff. I will be back and more present soon (I’m also on the verge of getting a laptop again!!!!!!!!! No more struggling to write in a tiny tablet!)

Much love to you all ♡

Ongoing kales. .

One of the little quirk things that we do at the cafe I’m working is having Cavolo Nero in bottles on the tables (rather than flowers or more common types of plants for decoration).

We used to change them quite often when I realised that maybe putting a little water in the bottles could perhaps make the kale last for longer and save us the trouble and wastage.

It turns out that they are growing roots now!

My feelings towards my job are getting better again. We’ve got someone else working with us that I really appreciate. In synastry his Sun is conjunct my Moon and his Mars conjunct my Venus.

Contrary to what you might be imagining (the ones that know a bit about astrology) I don’t feel sexually attracted to him. But we do work well together and I truly enjoy his energy.

I also got a place to volunteer once a week at a wellbeing centre.

I feel like I’m starting to move forward with my outer life again.

This mercury retrograde in Capricorn has been an interesting time for me to draw a plan for doing more of the things that I’d rather be doing.

Then in only couple of months my progressed Moon will change to Capricorn and I already can feel a slight shifting in my energy.

More grounding and planing in my life is welcome. Earth is my element.

I also feel more serious.

But obviously, the ongoing transit from Pluto to my Moon has a strong part in these feelings of seriousness.

Dieing isn’t like a walk in the park.

Yesterday I was rereading couple of my old journals, from 2015/2016, and I saw how intense these last two years have been. How much ego death has brought difficult emotions for me to deal with.

A lot of stuff from my mother as well. I really feel like I’ve been dealing with my “family curse”.

The process was gradual. As soon as I opened the can of warms there was an increase of trapped dark emotions with more truth after feeling those difficult emotions, then more emotional junk followed by more raw insightfulness .. and so on and so forth..

I’ve been digging so deep that I can’t transcribe here all of my realisations, I would have to write for days and days.

Perhaps I just can’t do it because I’m still in it.

Just like those ongoing kales at work.. but with a bit of fresh water to help me growing new roots instead of just dieing over and over again…

Lunar mess

Yesterday I went to a little Christmas gathering in one of my neighbours. I didn’t really know anyone there apart from my house mate.

It is amazing to see how much of my lunar function is still sort of out of tune.

People would come to talk to me and I would just see myself reacting in an overly Libran fashion, smiling all the time but also feeling the undercurrents of anxiety or darker feelings in almost everyone in the room (probably more linked to my Saturn and Pluto in the 12th house).

Really, I was amazed to see how this part of my psyche (the one connected with the symbolism of the Moon) is still not functioning in a more authentic fashion yet, (although I can now see that happening whereas before it used to be just a reaction, so there is some growth there.)

Mercury will be going retrograde at 15 degrees, the same degree of my Moon in Libra, so probably more insights for me on the Pluto transit and it’s effects on my Moon.

I think that’s probably part of what happens, when going under an important major transit, whichever planet/drive in your psyche is being touched is going to be completely out of tune for a while.

I guess this is just a natural part of the process of transformation. It has to be messed up in order to be reorganised in a different fashion.

Transiting Nodes

Have you ever noticed what happened when transiting North node hit something on your chart?!

Transiting node now is just about to make a conjunction to my natal Sun, and regarding the frustrations I wrote about yesterday, I have a good feeling about it.

The lunar nodes are considered to have a connection with karmic lessons and spiritual growth, and I have been observing it’s reflection when it touched something important in my chart.

In my experience there is usually someone else involved.

When transiting North Node made a conjunction with my Ascendant, Moon and Venus (in different occasions) I met someone that somehow taught me a relevant lesson regarding the principle in question.

When the nodes transited my ASC-DSC axis I met the guy who I shortly after would have my Saturn return intense experience with. Encountering this person has taught me lessons in so many levels that it is still hard to pinpoint.

I also see the karmic intensity of it by the fact that transiting South Node was right on my DSC. (If there is such a thing as past lifes, I certainly have met him before)

The two other occasions were a little lighter.

With North node transiting my natal Moon I got reunited with my past lover, the one that had a very relevant role in me acting upon my decision to leave my life in London behind (culminated with the first square from Pluto to my Moon in early 2015).

Then when transiting North Node was conjuncting my natal Venus I met a very interesting (not in a romantic way) polish man in Thailand, that gave me many insights into my love life (not only) and who gave me a peculiar and intense healing session.

That was quite powerful and somehow prepared the ground for the  intense healing experience I’ve had during my yoga course.

Now transiting North Node is just about to hit my natal Sun, in a moment when I’ve been feeling deflated and longing for more opportunities to express my solar principle.

(I’ve been reading “The Luminaries” by Liz Greene and Howard Sasportas and getting a lot of inspiration from it, couldn’t recommend more! Do read it if you want to get a deeper understanding of the solar and lunar function in the and astrological chart.)

Will keep my eyes wide open now..

Little chaos

Things are getting pretty intense here.

Pluto has moved just one degree away from the square to my natal Moon and I just noticed the typical energetic buzz of black moon Lilith… its just 2 degrees away from crossing over my Ascendant in Scorpio.

I feel like there is a volcano just about to erup inside me now.

(And I say it by experience, from someone who has Venus in opposition to black moon Lilith in the natal chart…)

Feelings of frustration at work are growing exponentially and the sense, or perhaps fear, that I will never express my solar self is haunting me. The self that I am meant to become but that does not seem to exist at the moment..

Then I’ve broke up my relationship one more time just now. The individual is an original Uranus conjunct the IC and I’m a Mars-Uranus conjunct in the first house, I guess at the moment, at its worst.

I’m having a little drink now, haven’t done this in ages, and I’m feeling that that relationship was somehow holding me back actually?! For some reason bearing frustration is a little harder when I’m in a relationship.

I’m not sure.

But funny enough there still seems to be an island of stillness within me..

Tying knots in the 2nd house..

The intensity of these month with the culmination of the last exact square from transiting Pluto to my natal Moon has been quite different from the previous ones.

The impression that I have is that things have been challenged to transform from within,  beginning with the deepest unconscious layers (still when Pluto was 2 degrees orbit away from the first exact square), and now perhaps hitting mostly the more gross parts that still need to be fined tuned.

In the last two months I haven’t had many internal breakdowns or many difficult emotions to deal with. During the first square in March 2015 I was overwhelmed by fear and sadness and emotions in general.

Now I feel a lot more stable and secure within myself.

What seems to be happening in this last stage is more connected with work and financial life and my values really (a lot of the matters connected with the 2nd house of the horoscope).

It was only in the last week that I consciously noticed how much I’m already feeling deflated and bored at work. I think I sort of came to the realisation that this is “just another job” again.

We aren’t really doing much to get involved in the local community, mainly the boss is focused on making money and a bit desperate because we are still not very busy. He is saving money on certain things that I disagree on like rubbish collection (we are not recycling yet!! I still can’t really believe that he doesn’t seem to care too much about that).

Then I also have noticed him at times behaving like a capitalist desperate boss, feeling agitated when he sees you sitting down for a bit (on a shift of 9 hours and and half standing on your feet) on a day that is extremely quiet and there isn’t much to do anyway.

(I’m not holding a grudge or anything, don’t get me wrong. I can see that he is trying his best and that he doesn’t have much experience.)

But my problem is that there seems to be more preoccupation with looking cool and forward thinking and ecological than actually truly caring about the environment for instance.

I understand that this is just the first month and chaos is all around. But he did get some extra money from the bank so there shouldn’t be an excuse for recycling and composting food  and coffee waste.

I feel like I’m still going against my values, a bit like I was when living in London.

I don’t want to put my energy into egotistical purposes. I want to work for something that will improve the collective situation somehow.

Power to the people.

So this week I’m only working for 3 days and the idea that I could save up money to do a yoga teacher training in 3 months is gone.

Now I’m not sure anymore. All I know is that I have to invest more time and energy into my work as an astrologer and perhaps still live on a low budget for some time.

But I refuse to give my energy full time to something that I don’t believe in..

Words for catching up

Pluto is making its lat exact square to my natal moon for the whole month of November and I feel like I’ve been very busy.

There is a lot that I would like to do, but at the moment most of my energy is concentrated in rebuilding the material structures of my life.

I’m also putting some of my energy into socialising and sharing myself with others, especially with my boyfriend.

Yes, a lot has happened and I haven’t really broken up the relationship with the sagittarian guy I’ve met at the festival during the summer. After much turmoil (especially during the intense month of September and early October), and presenting many challenges to each other, our bond seems to be becoming more solid.

This is proving to be a deeper relationship.

I can’t be bother to pretend being something that I’m not and even when I sometimes unconsciously try reliving some of the old patterns of behaviour he stops me right away by openly challenging me.

He doesn’t let me fall asleep.

Two days ago I bought couple of floral remedies and I am really interested in taking some kind of course or going for a workshop to learn more about it.

They truly fascinate me and I can easily imagine them becoming my next obsession..

I started taking centaury (one of Bach remedies).

The medium I’ve met at a healing centre in Holland during my travels last year who told me I should have that one.

In five minutes she was able to summarise what was one of the main reasons for many of my issues. That was impressive and her words echoes in my mind still.

It felt like an important part of the puzzle was given to me on that day. My search had become a little clearer.

About 10 days ago I watched a webinar about Pluto with Liz Greene.

She is truly brilliant.

One of the tips she gave us was to track down the transits from Pluto to your natal chart, even the ones that happened before you were born, and see what was happening in the family. In this way, she said, we could perhaps achieve a better understanding of what Pluto means to us, of how we experience this archetype in a more personal way. (She says that Pluto is connected with a collective instinct in order to survive.)

With Pluto, she said that, “Events carry a feeling of fatedness, necessity, the unfolding of a previously invisible pattern, unforeseen consequences of earlier choices made not only by oneself, but by one’s family or the collective.”

And further down she said that ” all Pluto transits carry with them an impersonal or collective impetus toward survival through transformation that is archetypal and lies beyond one’s own personal issues.”

Depending on which planet is being touched by transiting Pluto we can have clues on what kind of contribution we are bringing to the collective “impetus to survive”.

The process is so deep and multi layered that I can’t express very well all that has, and still is, happening in my psyche.

But hopefully I will be writing a bit more from now on..

OrbitIN mind

These days I was rereading “The horoscope in manifestation” by brilliant mind Liz Greene and got myself thinking about orbits in astrology.

One of my main teachers at the London School of Astrology, Frank Clifford (definitely another brilliant mind), had always made a point on “keeping things simple” when it comes to astrology. He would always advise us on finding signatures (which I find very helpful) and on keeping the orbits tight (max of 5 degrees).

Liz Greene, on the other hand, speaks of an orbit of 10 degrees in her book.

I guess that when the approach is psychological you can’t consider a Pluto transit, for instance, only when the planet is sitting right on top of a natal planet.

There is a process being brewed in the individual’s psyche preparing the ground for the transit, and then afterwards, also a process of slowly breaking down and integrating the changes.

To me that makes sense.

Mercury is a strong planet in my horoscope for different reasons and when it was opposed by transiting Neptune around 3 years ago I had a hard time recognising myself.

Since always I’ve had a great love for books and was constantly reading.

But during those years I just couldn’t concentrate.

My mind felt scrambled, my memory was ineffective and my capacity to debate and exchange information was seemingly gone.

Before, I used to read rouhly around 3 books a month and in the last year I probably have read maybe 5 books in the whole year?

Something like that.

At the moment Neptune is retrograde and around 5 degrees away from the opposition to my natal Mercury.

I resonate with the idea of 10 degrees orbit because I can still feel the effects of this transit.

Yes, my mind has gone through some deep transformation, but I don’t feel that I have come back to the functionality of my Mercury in Virgo yet. I am slowly coming back, slowly reading books again, but in a way that is different from before and that still isn’t completely clear to me yet.

I look forward to see if I feel any difference next year, when Neptune will be 10 degrees away from my Mercury.

This is all very exciting for this is the first major, of the multiple transits (from the outer planets) that I’ve been going through, that is fading.

We’ll see what happens..

 

 

Plutonic Capricorn crisis..

I’m sitting down having breakfast on my own.

I just realised that the clock has changed in England and instead of 6:50 is actually 5:51 in the morning.

Having some issues at work and, with that, also having shadowy parts of my psyche popping up regularly.

Being an authority isn’t easy and yesterday, when I went to bed at 8pm feeling down, I was thinking about the reasons why I’ve never wanted to do that (be an authority figure in almost 7 years of experience in this industry).

I am a very good worker and pretty good at taking orders from superiors too (even though I have to respect the person in charge first). And I used to enjoy just being that, the excellent part time worker that comes 3 times a week.

In that way, without committing too much, I’ve managed to keep myself free from the inner critic and almost obsessive perfectionism, at least in these kind of odd jobs (the ones that aren’t really my true passion).

But is really hard to do that now.

I just cannot keep myself detached and make a commitment at the same time.

If I decide to do something, I’m doing it wholeheartedly. I put all of me in it. I am a Scorpio rising after all..

Yesterday when I was in bed really early, resting my exhausted legs and feet, it took me at least 3 good hours and a half to stop thinking about work. I was worried about the inconsistent way that we’ve been serving our coffee (we don’t have a barista), then I was worried that I’m getting my period soon and don’t want to be at work because of the pain (I refuse to take pain killers since my Saturn return and my journey of healing and reconnecting with my womb) but we are a tiny team for financial reasons and at the moment is hard to get someone to cover you..

Then I was worrying that I don’t want to commit myself that much, reasoning that I haven’t opened a cafe myself and that my real passion is astrology.

I want to focus my energy in reading and writing, these are one of my best skills and that’s what I most love doing.

And finally I had to calm myself down and remember that I just need to give him a hand for a little (I’m giving 3 months minimum) and save up some cash working full time, and then I will be free again.

I also can’t forget that Pluto is making the final exact square to my Moon for the whole month of November still.

Home life is pretty good, I’m enjoying it enormously. But what seems to be brought up now is the financial and lifelong (so it seems) crisis in my value system.

I’ve had moments in tears last night thinking about the business mentality of efficiency above human well being and how my ego is easily falling into that trap, for I am the manager now, even though I really don’t believe and don’t want to be a part of that system anymore.

And so I just kept quietly repeating to myself “only 3 months, only 3 months, only 3 months”.. until unconsciousness came to rescue me.